Advice from Octopus: Decentralize your Worldview
We don’t know all there is to know about how the Octopus thinks, but here’s what we do know. They’re wicked good problem solvers. They feel and display a kaleidoscope of emotions, punching fish in frustration and asking for hugs on drugs. We know their intelligence is wildly different from our own - they evolved it on a completely separate evolutionary path than vertebrates. They’re the closest we have to understanding alien intelligence. All that? Not even the most interesting thing about them.
The most? Their already-big-for-their-body main brain is surrounded by a branching system of neurons in their arms. They have brains for arms. And this bit is controversial, but those arms themselves might be independently intelligent. As in, one arm puts cilantro on everything, another vehemently hates it, the third points out our preference for cilantro is genetic, the fourth argues that some of it must be learned, the fifth mints cilantro into an NFT, the sixth is subsisting only on bulletproof coffee and Soylent, the seventh is on an Ayahuasca retreat, and the eighth believes this is all a computer simulation.
As humans, we have the saying ‘of two minds’. Or, ‘there are two sides to every coin’. Octopus takes our puny, binary worldview and raises us an ability to navigate the world from eight or nine different points of view. After hearing that, there’s something about a two-sided perspective that lacks nuance, context, and frankly, doesn’t sound that intelligent.
I know I’m standing at the end of a very long line of people commenting on the growing divisiveness in this country. There’s nothing original in saying that social media has pushed us further apart, ignited extremist thinking, and rewarded the comfort of becoming social media bubble people protected from the points of view that threaten our very identities. That recently, maybe we’ve lost the ability to even be of two minds about something.
But Octopus challenges us to practice decentralizing and diversifying our worldviews. To wrestle with issues from as many places as we can manage, and divorce ourselves from our biases, assumptions, and experiences to make room for new thoughts. To solve problems like an alien. The world needs it, but we need it too.
Octopus will always do it better. But we can try harder. And be thankful we don’t have to argue with each of our appendages.
Advice from Horse: Pay Attention to Your Body Language
This might unlock a core memory for some of you. You’re on vacation, the kind that takes you to the lake, or the forest, or camp, or maybe even the beach. Someone wants ‘the trail ride’ (it’s probably the horse girl of the group). You agree, and maybe you imagine you’ll be an undiscovered horse whisperer and leave the group behind in trail of your dust, you and steed bonded for life. Now you’re sitting atop your horse in a not-so-grand procession of average looking geldings who are clearly bored with the monotony of it all. You’re at the back of the line. Or worse, the middle of it. And your horse won’t go. Your cheeks burn and you think “Is this horse stupid’? Are they willfully ignoring me? Am I stupid? Am I doing something wrong?”.
That last one is right. Because what you don’t realize is as you’re thinking go forward, you’re looking right. As you’re digging in your heels, you’re also pulling back on your reins. You are sending mixed messages. And the horse you’re on, who already knows they don’t get paid enough for this shit, is thinking “Is this person stupid? Are they willfully confusing me? Am I stupid? Am I doing something wrong?”.
Domesticated Horse, like all domesticated non-humans, aims to please. (Before you say ‘not all domesticated non-humans’, cats aren’t domesticated.) But you can’t please someone who doesn’t make clear what they want. Horses respond best to unambiguous body language because that’s their special breed of intelligence: they are expert nonverbal communicators. The swivel of an ear, the height of a head: it’s all a part of an intentional physical language Horse uses to communicate. Horse is also body language bi-lingual: fluent in both Horse and Human. They watch our posture for subtle clues around how confident or insecure we’re feeling. They study our facial expressions and avoid people in a bad mood. I rode regularly for 15 years and always felt a little emotionally naked in front of them. Horse isn’t a mind reader but it sure feels that way sometimes.
That’s why Horse is so often used in therapy and executive coaching. Horse teaches us to be more aware of what’s being said nonverbally and more intentional about what we allow our bodies to communicate - lessons most humans desperately need. I’ve been in countless rooms with very smart people who betrayed their feelings with a furrowed brow. Brainstorms where the moderator’s body language was communicating the farthest thing from openness and collaboration. Pitch meetings and presentations where people were nervous and it showed. Drinks where no doubt my disinterest in something was accidentally but boldly flaunted.
Because when it comes to nonverbal communication, most of us are an open book. But Horse can help us become better authors. If we heed the advice of Horse and pay more attention to what we’re saying without saying it, we could be kinder, clearer humans. Or maybe become that horse whisperer after all, and learn that Horse whispers back.
Advice from Dog: Understanding is not a Prerequisite to Empathy
Many of the best qualities of humanity, like loyalty, bravery, and unconditional love, aren't human qualities at all. At least not exclusively. They really belong to the non-human thinkers that know us best: Dogs. One of Dog’s more brilliant qualities is empathy, and I think that’s because for them empathy is unsullied by the lie surrounding it.
Here’s how Merriam Webster defines empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. I reckon Dog would find this definition fundamentally flawed and would counter that understanding is irrelevant. It’s only necessary to understand that the feelings exist and that those feelings matter. Needing to understand, either intellectually or via a shared personal experience, why the feelings exist is just human ego reskinned. By the way, I’m not suggesting we shouldn’t seek a deeper understanding of someone’s feelings or lived experiences. I’m saying don’t expect it as a precondition for empathizing with them.
Think about it. The best empathizers on the planet probably don’t relate to that particular brand of despair that comes with wanting children and not being able to afford them. To the compounding weight of multiple microaggressions over a day. I assume, to existential dread, feelings of nihilism, or really wanting pickles and not being able to open the damn jar because your parter acts like they’re bear-proofing it, even though you’ve had this conversation a thousand times.
Instead, Dog’s empathy formula is simple: give a shit, be there, and pay attention. And it’s effective. A 2014 study found that university students who were assigned an unfamiliar Dog companion during a stress test had significantly reduced cortisol levels than those without. But here’s where it gets wild: there were three total groups. One group had a Dog, one group had no one, and one group of students had…a friend. A friend. And random Dogs outperformed friends in reducing anxiety.
So I’m going to unlearn the big lie of empathy and be more like Dog: care, be present, and focus on listening over relating. (By the way, if your instinct is to write Dog empathy off as an unintentionally soothing presence rather than a deliberate, self-directed action, please read the footnote.1)
Dog will always do it better. But we can try harder. And we can be thankful that the pickle jar will eventually open for us.
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1
Dogs are intentional students of human expression on an individual and species level. For instance, they’ve learned that baring one’s teeth means aggression for them but happiness for us.
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Dogs run faster to their people when their people are crying, suffering, or need help.
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Dogs are as likely to release a distressed owner from a large box as they are to retrieve treats from inside said box. And before you judge them for that, have you ever taken a Taco Bell detour on your way to comfort your sister over the house that got away because of an all-cash buyer?